Cooling Off

Today was a particularly muggy day and  I chuckled when I saw the text of my clever feline friend, Pip, cooling himself on an ice pack, while sailing down the Delaware Bay.   I was reminded of this.  I was coaching one of my Super Stars a while back (all clients are super stars…they hire a coach in order to connect with their Super Stardom!) around a breakup with his Love Interest.   They were perfect together, he said…similar interests, great sex! All was right with the world.  That is, until Love Interest decided to give her ex “one last chance” to be the person that she thought he could be in her life.  She hadn’t wanted to waste the x number of years she had invested in the relationship with ex.  Super Star was devastated. ..he was convinced that no one could make Love Interest as happy as he himself could.

Hmmm, it gives me pause when I hear someone say they wasted x number of years with a person.  Doesn’t every relationship teach us something about ourselves, our needs, our boundaries?   Don’t we learn valuable lessons about vulnerability, connection and the joys and challenges of living with another unique being?  Is learning ever a waste?

Listening to my Super Star, I wondered: What do you deserve?  What do you want?  What about how amazing you are?  I queried:  Who are you being when you are so intent on being with her?   What does losing her represent to you?  More questions followed.  Greater awareness ensued.

Most of us drive through life in our little freezer trucks, and inside we keep all of our childhood pain and fear and sadness and disappointment. The freezer truck has been with us for such a long time that we don’t even notice it anymore.  In the early days, being in that freezer truck kept us safe.  It kept away the big bad wolf and all the bad things in the world.  The freezer truck was like a Jersey barrier on our highway of life, keeping the careening dangers in their own lane.

You may be fortunate enough to have outgrown your little freezer truck…or at least recognize it for what it is, the Jersey barrier that keeps your dreams at bay, that fends off your soul mate, and life beyond your wildest dreams.  It helps to have someone stand with you as you break open your freezer, distinguishing the frozen chunks inside, exposing them to the sunlight and watch them melt away, leaving the road to possibility wide open and barrier-free.   My Super Star is in the process of unpacking his freezer now, and  I know that he will one day find his real soul mate and have the wonderful life he chooses to create.  Are you ready to park your freezer truck in the virtual junkyard in the sky once and for all?  I have a slot open just for you.

by Mary Lotto Ross